Cougar-cub relationships are nothing new. Older women have been dating younger men for centuries, but in our society it’s still somewhat more acceptable for an older man to date a young girl than vice versa, which is of course wrong and represents a vicious double standard. Fortunately, in the recent decades we have been seeing more and more of these couples, and there are even specialized websites where young men can meet older ladies and date them.
For many cougar-cub couples, social acceptance is something of an issue. They may not care about what strangers think of them, but if their own families are against their relationship, it can be challenging. If you are a young man dating an older woman, and your family does not approve of your relationship, here are some things that might help you deal with it.
Stand By Your Cougar
If you love her and care about her, you will not let your family tear you apart. Do not allow them to make her feel like a bad person. You know she’s not a bad person – in fact, you know she’s amazing, otherwise you wouldn’t be dating her, would you? Don’t abandon her and stand by her side, because your family’s lack of approval could be a painful thing for her. If you start to waver, she will sense it and your relationship will start crumbling.
The reason your family does not approve of your cougar has nothing to do with her personally. It’s all about prejudice and social misconceptions, so do not allow them to harm your relationship.
Don’t Fight With Them
While you don’t want to abandon your lady, you also don’t want to push your family away. After all, they are your family and your relationship with them should be as close and loving as possible. You are probably feeling hurt and angry with them, and you may feel tempted to say some things you will later regret. These things can quickly turn into something more, when both parties start dragging out things from past, unresolved conflicts and dirty laundry, and it can become really bad.
Let Them Get to Know Her
Many young men make the mistake of hiding their cougar from their family if they feel they might reject her or disapprove of their relationship. This is a mistake because that way they are not allowing their family to get to know her and see how amazing she is. How can they like her if they don’t know her? For many people, the first reaction to these kinds of relationships is to judge and to criticize, and your family is probably no exception.
However, if you introduce her to them, invite her to some family functions, slowly but gradually they will start seeing her with your eyes and they will grow to love her just like you do. Don’t pick a major holiday like Christmas or an important family event like your parents’ anniversary to introduce her to them. Start with a simple Sunday brunch or afternoon tea, any type of occasion where everyone involved will feel relaxed.
Reason With Them
If your family still doesn’t approve of you dating an older woman, sit down and have an open, honest conversation with them. Try to figure out just what it is that’s bothering them about it. Try putting yourself in their shoes and to anticipating their objections, that way you will be able to prepare your answers better. Come up with answers to things like “So you won’t give us any grandchildren then?”, “She is just using you,” “You look ridiculous as a couple,” “It’s not proper,” and so on. You know they can’t have any actually good reasons for not approving, so you will definitely win. Be patient though, and don’t lose your temper.
Let your family know you are an adult who knows what he’s doing. Sometimes families are worried an older woman will take away their “little boy” from them – assure them it’s not going to happen and that you will always love them and be close to them. There’s a new person in your life but that doesn’t mean you’ll forget your family.
“What Will People Say?”
This is one of the most common arguments family members make when they are expressing their disapproval of cougar relationships. For some reason, an older woman dating a younger man is often perceived as “improper.” Families often get preoccupied with what will the others say, fearing that somehow your relationship will give the entire family “a bad name.” This is, of course, offensive to both you and your cougar lady, but you need to try explaining, tactfully and patiently, that it really shouldn’t matter what anyone thinks of anything, let alone of your relationship. People always talk – if it’s not this, then it will be some other thing. We can’t protect ourselves from malicious tongues, no matter how hard we try, because if they want, they will always find something. There is really no point in worrying about it.